I sometimes feel I’m a ship on the ocean. Subject to the tempest. Victim of the elements. In some ways I am, and I have enabled myself to be, if not a ship, a cork floating on the water. I’ve lost the perception of control.
As I ground myself from that feeling of helplessness. As I find a path to start walking again. I find myself trapped on a road. Feeling worse than when I was trapped on the ocean. Because I don’t even feel I can step away from that road. I’ve become caught in the mindset that I can’t leave this road, there’s barriers to each side of me.
And I can’t go back.
So there’s only one Way. Forward.
And I’m trapped in the darkness.
This is true. I’m living in this cold dark world of emotional torment and darkness. I feel lost. I feel like I will never see the sun again. That this canopy above me is enclosing me like the lid of a coffin.
But the light is still there.
Beyond that canopy is a bright light. A loving, life-giving, beautiful radiance. And I can’t go left. I can’t go right. I can never go back. And I must go forward. And forward, right now, there’s only more darkness.
And some days I feel I don’t have the energy to keep going.
But I must. And I will. I’ll keep walking. Because one day I’ll step forward, and a light will strike me through the leaves. I’ll feel the warmth again. I’ll feel the love. I’ll keep walking until I reach the edge of the forest. Until I find the field beyond the darkness. I’ll keep walking until I can bask in the glory and the love of a beautiful sun.
I’ll keep walking.
Because if I stop. I’ll be trapped here forever. Left in the forest. Cocooned in the darkness. Entombed beneath the leaves.
I can’t see it. Maybe you can’t too. So walk with me a while.
The light is there.
Finding my Way 